The Futility of Hope
by littlej23
Summary: A One shot based on the heartbreaking Amy/Rory scene in Asylum of the Daleks. What really happened before they nearly got divorced? T to be on the safe side.


**A/N: It is an awful title, I know, but I had to think of something and that's all I thought of. I've been writing this for about a week, a product of being bored in self support lessons at school with no work to do. It's based on the heartbreaking scene in Asylum of the Daleks, no details required, you all know what I mean. It just sort of came to me to write what happened. I'll probably be writing another one shot about the way they leave next week after Angels Take Manhattan because I'll probably see it as theraputic, but it won't be. Anyhow, read and review, please!**

**The futility of hope**

Amelia Pond was never one to tell people how she felt. She'd keep it all inside and bury it so far inside that she'd pretend it didn't matter. Who could she tell, really? Being realistic, she didn't have many friends as a child; all the kids at school teased her for believing in her raggedy doctor. Aunt Sharon always sent her to a psychiatrist, to see if they could 'sort her out', as she so kindly put it. But they never did, Amelia always ended up biting them for telling her the doctor wasn't real. Of course he was real, she saw him with her own eyes. But he'd promised five minutes, and didn't come back.

Until 12 years later, when she was 19, happy in a stable relationship with one of her only childhood best friends, Rory. But 12 years was a long time, and Amelia Pond was too fairy tale a name for her, so she changed her name to Amy and never looked back. The Doctor disappeared again and didn't turn up until the night before her wedding when she was 21. But of course she didn't tell him that, she just told him to have her back by morning. To be fair to him, he did bring her back on time. But she'd kissed him, and felt awful when Rory found out.

But still, they married happily the next day, even if the Doctor had to reboot the universe for them to do so and Rory had to wait 2000 years to marry her. It all got complicated from there on out, she and Rory ended up having a child, who was taken from them before they even had a chance to hold her, and was raised as a weapon to kill the doctor. Turns out one of her many incarnations was their childhood best friend Mels, who then regenerated to River Song, who married the Doctor.

River came home when she could, but she was busy with the time travel and having adventures with the Doctor. As time went on, Amy and Rory decided to settle down for a while, leave behind the crazy adventures they had while travelling through the whole of space and time and try to be normal.

But normal didn't come easy when you'd witnessed some of history's most famous events and had travelled through time and space in a police box.

* * *

Normal got easier with time, and Rory went back to working shifts at the hospital, whilst Amy searched for a normal job that didn't involve dressing up and kissing random people for money.

The feeling of the loss of their daughter never got much easier for them, but they tried to move on and they tried to focus on other things. And so came the day when Amy expressed her desire to her husband.

"Rory…" she'd said to him, trailing off at the end, as if she was asking for his attention whilst they sat together on their sofa, Amy curled into her husband's side.

"Amy?" He'd replied, as he'd looked into her eyes.

"Seeing you with that little girl today, how you took care of her…" she was referring to the incident earlier that afternoon, when Amy and Rory were shopping in the local centre and spotted a little girl, who couldn't have been older than about 4 screaming bloody murder.

She seemed to be alone, no parent or guardian in sight. He wondered why she was alone, and she soon explained that she'd gotten lost. He'd asked where she saw her mother last but she didn't know, so he picked her up and carried her to the information desk, with Amy by his side, where she'd explained that the young girl had gotten lost. The lady on the desk at the time had put out a call to her guardian and her mother soon found her way to the information desk, frantic and hysterical and thanked Amy and Rory for looking after her and making sure she stayed safe.

"What about it?" he questioned, playing with her hand idly.

"It just made me realise how good of a father you'd be. I want another baby." She'd said, looking up at him.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's barely been a year…" he was cut off by Amy pressing her lips to his for reassurance.

"I'm sure. You've always wanted kids, and I think I'm ready, too. It might make things a bit easier for us."

"If you're sure…"

"I'm 100% sure." She giggled. "So we'd best get to work."

* * *

Months had passed for the couple and their baby making efforts had started to seem futile. Each time Amy thought she might be pregnant, she wasn't, until one time, when the test read positive and the gynaecologist at the hospital had confirmed her pregnancy. The couple could not have been any happier than they were at the moment when all their trying and heartbreak and pain had seemed to be worth it.

The pregnancy continued for about a month, and each week they'd take a photo of her stomach as it continued to grow as a reminder for years to come. But one night, while they were sleeping, Amy awoke with a sharp pain ripping through her stomach. She'd tried to ignore it but it was just too painful, so she'd woken her husband, and by the time he opened his eyes and asked what was wrong, she'd started bleeding, too.

Something was wrong; very very wrong. Rory had seen enough patients at the hospital go through the same symptoms to know what was happening, but he tried to keep a brave face for Amy. Maybe it wasn't what he thought; maybe she and the baby would be okay.

But he wasn't taking any chances, so he helped her up and drove her to the hospital, and held her hand as she'd cried in pain the whole way there. By the time they got there, Amy was red faced and the tears were evident rolling down her cheeks as she held onto Rory with one hand and kept one on her stomach. The doctor on duty helped her into a bed and he'd examined her quickly, before confirming their worst fears. He'd said she'd need an operation and everything happened so fast neither one of them could register what was happening.

Rory had promised to stay by her side, but once she was put under the anaesthetic, he was told he could not go any further and had to wait somewhere else. He waited in the staff room, though he was not on duty, but he couldn't think of anywhere else he could be alone. He'd worked enough nightshifts to know nobody really came in here of a night. But it turned out tonight would be the one night somebody did. Sophie, one of the nurses who often worked with Rory came into the room and was instantly confused when she saw him sitting there.

"Rory? What are you doing here, it's late, and you're not working tonight, are you?" She'd asked, standing in front of him.

"No, I'm not, I, um, well, um…" he couldn't find the words to say. "It's Amy."

She knew without him saying any more than those 2 words what had happened. Sophie was one of the few people who knew about the pregnancy, the two of them wanting to keep it on the down low until they were further along, and this was the reason why.

"Oh my god, Rory, I'm so sorry." She sat down beside him and placed a hand on his back in a bid to comfort him. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Not unless you can bring our baby back."

"That, I can't do."

"Then no, you can't do anything. Could you just, go? I really need to be alone right now." He asked, though he couldn't force her since she worked there and was entitled to be in the room as much as he was.

"Of course. It'll be okay, you know, in the end. Everything happens for a reason." She tried to offer words of comfort to him, but to no avail.

"I'd like to know the reason behind this, because I don't think any reason could ever justify what's happening."

* * *

When the doctors brought Amy back to the room she was going to stay in, she began to come around after the anaesthetic had knocked her out. She was groggy and tired and sore, and just wanted to go home. When she looked around and realised Rory was nowhere to be seen, she started to worry.

"Where's Rory?" She asked the nurse she recognised as Sophie taking notes on something at the foot of her bed.

"I don't know, Amy. The last I saw he was in the staff room, but he wanted to be alone. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. I'll look for him, if you want?" She replied.

"Would you? Thank you, I really need him here right now." Amy croaks out.

"No problem. It will all be okay, in the end, Amy, you need to believe that."

She finished writing on Amy's chart before exiting the room in search of Rory. She headed in the direction of the staff room once again, hoping he'd still be there. Sure enough, there he was, sat just the same as she'd left him the last time.

"Amy's asking for you." She told him as she sat beside him once more. "She really needs you right now."

"I can't see her right now. Not like this, I need to be brave for her. As much as it hurts me, it's going to hurt her just as much if not more; she had to go through all that." He explains, the tears threatening to make their way down his cheeks.

"I know it's hard for you, but you need to deal with this together. Don't shut each other out, trust me, it's the worst thing you can do right now. Support each other. Go and sit with her right now and tell her she's not alone because you will never forgive yourself if you leave her to deal with this alone." She knows him too well, and knows exactly how he'd feel if he left her alone.

She gets up and leaves him alone once more, leaving him to make his own decision and hoping he makes the right one.

* * *

He knows after Sophie leaves that he has to make the right choice, and he knows neither Amy nor himself would ever forgive him for shutting her out and trying to deal with this on his own. He wipes his eyes, though the point, he thinks, is futile, because he knows as soon as he sees Amy in that hospital bed, alone and vulnerable, he'll break down again.

But he needs to deal with this awful turn of events with his wife, because chances are she'll be hurting just as much as he is.

And he's right, she is. When he walks into her room, and grips her hand with his, placing kisses on it, she turns over and he realises her heart is broken. Of course it is; how could he expect anything less? She scoots over and he climbs onto the bed, holding her against his chest as she sobs, and lets his own tears fall down his cheeks.

They stay like that for a while, before she eventually drifts to sleep in his arms, and he knows it will be a fitful night for the both of them.

She wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, tears evident on her cheeks, and Rory can't sleep, so he strokes her hair and places kisses on her head while they both cry once more, and tries his best to reassure her it will be okay.

But he knows it won't.

* * *

It's especially not okay when they're sitting in a doctor's office nervously awaiting the results of a test to see if there was any reason at all behind the miscarriage. Amy is a nervous wreck, as to be expected, and Rory can feel her hand shaking in his and he lifts it to his lips and places a gentle kiss on it to calm her nerves.

"Rory, whatever happens, whatever the doctor says, I love you, and I always will." She says, and she tries to keep it together.

"I know that. And I love you too." The couple share a quick kiss, before the doctor re-joins them in her office.

"Mrs Williams, I'm afraid it isn't good news." And with that, Amy's heart sinks, and Rory could swear he heard it break. "It is highly unlikely that you will ever be able to carry a child to term, if you managed to get pregnant. I'm very sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. There are other options, of course, adoption could work for you, but I'm sorry to say you won't be able to have any biological children."

* * *

The days that pass by turn into weeks fairly quickly, and it seems as though Amy is never going to move from her spot in the windowsill waiting for the Doctor and watching the children in the play park across the road. Rory wished he could do something to help her, but everything he tried came to no avail. He didn't want to give up on Amy, she was his wife and he loved her, he always would, children or not, but the vacant stares and glassy eyes became her, and Amy was a shell of her former self.

She's no longer filled with joy, no longer living a life full of prosperity, rather spending it rooted to the same spot all day every day, waiting for that blue box that never comes. At this point, he's desperate for the Doctor to turn up, just once, to see if it would make any difference to Amy. He's willing to try anything to get his Amy back.

He brings her food and he brings her drink, he brings her everything she could possibly need, but it's never enough. Of course it's not; how could anything be enough for her anymore? She's no longer happy and bright, she's encompassed in a darkness that takes over her entire being and she can't find the light that leads the way out.

Rory takes time off work for a while, they called it 'compassionate leave', but nobody but Amy, Rory, Sophie and the doctors who treated Amy knew the real reason he wasn't at work. It wasn't their business to know, either. He couldn't have everyone at work sympathising with him, which was one thing he could do without.

He hurt just as much as Amy did, he'd always wanted children and finding out his wife was pregnant was one of the best days of life, second only to his wedding day. When she lost the baby, it hurt him just as much as it hurt Amy, it was his child too. And hearing her broken sobs the first few days after they found out she couldn't have children broke his heart.

But after a few weeks, he couldn't stand seeing Amy so broken hearted all day every day anymore. The loss of his child of course still hurt, but he needed to keep himself busy to keep his mind off of it. He returned to work about 2 weeks later, and started working more hours than he did previously, simply to keep himself busy and not thinking about his situation.

* * *

About a month after Rory returned to work, Amy began to speak more and even move more than she had previously. They ate dinner together of an evening, though in silence, and she came to bed of a night time and curled into his side as she usually did without saying a word.

He took it as a sign that things were getting better, that maybe she'd had her time to grieve and would always be hurt, but could at least involve herself in the activities she used to.

Sometimes, on her good days, she'd show more affection towards her husband than previously. It was usually a hug or allowing him to hold her and just be close to her, but sometimes they got further than that and she allowed him to kiss her again. Those were the best days, when things were closer to how they used to be than ever.

He thought that this 'new' Amy would reignite their relationship and they'd be bigger and better than they were before, but after about 3 months, things went from bad to worse.

It was unexpected and kind of came from nowhere really, Rory was on one of his days off and thought spending the day with Amy could only do them good. Once he was dressed and had eaten, however, he was soon proven wrong.

"Get out." She'd said, suddenly and for no reason.

"What?" He'd replied, wondering where it came from.

"You heard what I said, Rory, leave. Just go. I don't want you here anymore." He wondered why she was saying this, and above all wondered why she was saying it with tears in her eyes.

"I thought we were working things out? I thought that's what you wanted, Amy, normality after all the pain!" He was beginning to raise his voice now, trying desperately to understand.

"I did, but it's not working. You need to go." She replied calmly, rooted to her spot.

"Fine, if that's what you want, if you want me to go, I'll go." He gave in, knowing Amy wasn't one to have her arm twisted. He grabbed his keys and phone from the table by the door and took his jacket from the banister, opening the door and storming out.

Amy quickly followed with tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry! Rory, please, I'm sorry."

"I hate this!" He'd exclaimed, throwing up his hands and walking down the street. If he was ever going to return to his marital home, he did not know. But for now, all he knew was he was doing what Amy wanted. And everybody knew that what Amy wanted, Amy got.


End file.
